So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
