Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
