I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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