I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's the barista slut.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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