Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
