Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
