It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
