He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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