My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
