he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
