North Korea, Best Korea!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
