yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize