Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
