So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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