i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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