just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
