i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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