i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize