He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
