I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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