i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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