I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
