i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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