mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
