you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize