Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
