What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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