i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
