i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
