She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
