i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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