she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
