You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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