There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
