please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
