his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let's get the cat blown out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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