I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
