You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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