Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
