Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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