Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
