dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
