Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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