Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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