Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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