I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
