He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
