U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When are your genitals available?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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