so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
