i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Found your dick twin last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
