everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
