Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
