Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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