ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize