alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
