btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
