Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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