We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this hospital has no fireball
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
