I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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