just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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