he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So squirting runs in the family.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
