i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
