so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
