end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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