Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
