The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
