I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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