there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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