I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize