you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
