remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize