there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
