I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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