I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
