Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
