i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
