my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
