Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
