Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
