i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize