his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
