I never want to see another naked old woman again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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