Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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