I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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