hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
