I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
