You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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