i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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