So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize